Okay, so for the last few posts I have posted, I have strayed away from the entire purpose of this blog… PURITY. I know it is a tricky subject to talk about and people have very different opinions about purity. It is always difficult to voice opinions about purity in a non-condescending way that is helpful and encouraging to others. But, I am going to try my best to stay on topic and be as encouraging and biblically accurate as I can. Here is a list of ten things that can help you keep purity important in relationships. This world is feeding us the lie that sex is a casual activity that everyone is doing. Let’s fight the lies and keep purity important.
1. One of the biggest ways to maintain purity, especially in a serious, committed relationship is to communicate with your significant other. I know it is awkward and uncomfortable at first, believe me I have had to have those conversations as well. However, if you put off having the conversation about boundaries, passion will keep growing and it will be more difficult to maintain your purity.
2. It is a HUGE deal if your standards for purity do not line up with your significant other. You may think you can hold your standards and maintain purity by yourself but it is very very difficult for the other person not to drag you down. If your significant other does not think purity is important, it will be hard to convince them or withstand the pressure/temptation to lower your standards of purity.
3. If you want to maintain purity, it is so much more helpful to put Christ in the center of your relationship. Pray for strength and resistance to temptation.
4. Make it easier to maintain purity by staying out of difficult situations. Spending hours on end in an apartment alone with your significant other requires more self-control than any person on this earth has if true passion is present in the relationship.
5. Everyone needs encouragement. Everyone falls down and makes mistakes. Everyone tries to explain away or excuse their actions. It is human to do that. But, if keeping purity is a priority, it will be a lot more doable if you have an accountability parter to encourage you and help you get back up when you fall down. I personally have an accountability partner who is also my best friend and she is such a blessing and an encouragement to me. It is hard to check up on each other sometimes without coming across as controlling or mothering, but it is best for both of us if we ask the hard questions and keep each other informed on what is going on in our relationships. The bottom line in an accountability partnership is that you care about the other’s well being more than their opinion of you. You risk your friendship with them to keep their standards and their purity. It is a scary thing to speak your mind and try to help someone keep their standards, but God has showed me that he puts people on this earth to growth with and encourage.
6. When you are in a serious relationship, it may be helpful to seek advice from a happily married couple that waited to have sex until marriage. They will know the difficulty of purity and they will have advice on how to make it easier and the results of waiting. If you don’t have a married couple to turn to, go to a youth pastor or a mentor who can lead you spiritually to make good decisions. It is a hassle and a little uncomfortable, but it will be well worth it to prevent mistakes from happening rather than trying to recover from them.
7. View purity as a spiritual commitment rather than a legalistic rule that you have to follow. Listen to the song “More Like Falling in Love” by Jason Grey to hear the message that if you make a commitment with God that means something to you, it will be easier to follow rather than a rule you have to follow. God intended sex to be a holy act between husband and wife. He designed you to have a life full of joy and growth and companionship with one person. Honor His design of marriage by waiting. It may make purity a lot easier if you think about it this way.
8. Every time you have sex with someone outside the context of marriage, you give a piece of your heart away. God designed for our hearts to be full when we entered into a marriage. If your heart is already missing pieces and your spouse is missing pieces, you will have a harder time completing one another in the context of marriage. It will be hard not to compare your sexual relationships in your head or have regret about your past mistakes. Saying all of this, though, I should also say that if you have already had sex, you can be renewed. God can cleanse all things and make them new. To be forgiven and cleansed of your sins, simply ask for forgiveness and pray that God heal your wounds. You can make a new commitment today to be pure until marriage to honor God.
9. Going to church with your significant other sets a spiritual tone to the relationship and helps you both to be involved in an uplifting community that will help you when you fall. Worshipping together focus’s your hearts and minds on pleasing and glorifying the Lord with your words and actions. It will help you to attend church and read your Bible with your relationship partner.
10. Cut out the sexual media. I used to think this sentence was so overrated. I did not want to listen to my mom when she told me that the media was a negative influence. However, the more I watched The Secret Life of the American Teenager and Gossip Girl, the more my thinking changed about things I had already set in my mind as morally wrong. Those television shows started influencing me to think sex might be appealing and acceptable in a casual way. My mind started thinking I was abnormal for abstaining for so long. The culture today makes you want to fit in and change your thinking to conform. The media will make you rethink the principles you have already declared as wrong. Do you and your relationship partner a favor and take the negative media out of the equation. It will increase temptation and make purity so much harder for you.
Here are ten things that might make purity easier and more understandable. I hope they help you in relationships. Thanks for reading!